The Space Between- searching for faithfulness fast forward...

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I stumbled up the aisle with her.  My thoughts were lost in a cacophony of surreal confusion. It was hot; the white shirt beneath the tuxedo tugging at my chafed neck. I wondered if she felt my damp hands clasped tightly to her own. Suddenly, we stood before the altar, having reached a destination whose path I couldn't accurately recall.

"Who offers this woman in marriage today?" 

The jolt was fierce. At once, those twenty five years of a different kind of togetherness stopped dead in their tracks.

"This is it," I thought. "This is the end of the one thing I always wanted before I even knew it."

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This young woman standing beside me was our first child-- the little baby crying behind that nursery glass so many years ago, searching to make sense of a new and frightening world. This young woman beside me was the little baby with the captivating smile and tiny toes we took home from the hospital to start our new life together. 

This young woman was the daughter I had to protect from boys who could never love her as much as me.

Until this day, she loved me more than any other man.

Or at least, that's what I hoped.

Now, I had to give it all away?

The space between us had grown different, more distant in recent years, especially since this new man’s arrival. I knew this day was coming. I knew things would have to change, but how could I hold her one second and then give her away so abruptly to a virtual stranger? What kind of God could have devised so seemingly cruel plans?

She nudged me slightly.

"Her Mother and I," strained coarsely through my lip spasms.

I caught her glance as she noticed my swollen and glistening eyes revealing the onslaught of tears gaining momentum. I clumsily leaned over trying to find her cheek. She moved closer to me. My lips finally found it.

I had kissed her thousands of times before, but never like this. I knew we would kiss again, but never in the same way. I knew this kiss marked the end of a great collision in the intersection of our similar dreams. Soon, other dreams would replace those from her childhood. It felt like the last kiss of a father smitten by a little girl who pierced his heart on a hot August day from long ago. It felt like yesterday.

It really wasn't.

I didn't want it to end. I couldn't let go.

"Daddy," she finally said.

I knew what she meant. I couldn't stop the tears.

I hoped through those tears she could now trust how special she was to her imperfect father. I hoped those tears pushed her toward a new beginning with someone else. I hoped she knew it was okay with me for her to love him.  I hoped those tears bore witness to my authentic love she always craved but was sometimes afraid to believe.

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In her mind, I hoped those tears proved I loved her enough to give her away.

I hoped she felt it. I hoped she embraced the peculiar faithfulness palpable in their torrent. I hoped she would find the same with this new man.

But mostly, I hoped those tears washed true faithfulness into that curious space between us both...



Ephesians 5:31-33 (KJV)
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband

For more on faithfulness go to:  http://www.bridgetchumbley.com/2010/03/faithfulness-blog-carnival/