Monday, February 13, 2012

For My Daughter...

I know that, if somehow I could grant your heart's desire, you would wish this correspondence today from a certain, special young man- not so much your father.  A man much more youthful than myself and certainly more attractive in nearly every way.  And, I know how difficult it must be for you to make sense of your feelings for him in the face of his occasional indifference towards you; knowing how it hurts to want something that seems so close to your grasp and yet so far away at the same time.

Especially when you feel deserving of it or him and believe nothing else compares. 

I know how you feel because the relationship you desire with him is in many ways the relationship I want with you.  Not the romantic inclinations of boys and girls, but to know that your heart beat only for me, your attention divided among no others.  

Even so, you are beyond the years when I could be that man for you, when a simple pink unicorn or princess necklace, or heart-shaped candy could make you feel like the special young woman you are today.  When all you needed was one man, your father, to hold you, to care for you, to love you so much.  But, the nature of life, of living, of growing is different than where our intuition sometimes leads.  

This nature seems much more diabolical for us currently.

For him, that God would grant a father such a beautiful, undeserving prize as a daughter like you- a daughter that he would love out of more than merely paternal obligation, but a daughter he could genuinely enjoy too. But this daughter, then, would  naturally seek out the company of another man.

And for her, that she would grow to need attention from more than just her father, and that sometimes those for whom her affection ran deep, wouldn't necessarily respond in kind.  

I suppose we are a mess in some ways, you and I.

But, that is where we are right now- both of us reconciling the conflicts of a seemingly unrequited love.  And so if there be any comfort or consolation for you today, please know this: you will always be most special not only to me, but to someone else as well.  You were my first child and my only biological daughter-the one thing I never even knew I wanted until your birth. 

These are reasons for sure, but they are mine.  Not necessarily His.

You are also a grand design of a Heavenly Father who loved you long before I even knew you.  He will never fail you.  His son, Jesus, is the one man you can count on above all others.  He will sustain you in a way that no father, boyfriend, or husband ever could.  He will be your sustenance.  He will carry you when you are too weak to walk and He will kiss your cheek when the rest of the world turns its back

Most of all, He will care for you with an eternal love that transcends all understanding.

Happy Valentines Day!